No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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