I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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