physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
