I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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