The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize