just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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