I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
