1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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