is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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