What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
