You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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