goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
