Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
