Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
