can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize