Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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