you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
