your parents love me but you hate me
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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