I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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