He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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