I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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