I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
