I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
