I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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