i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
