i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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