life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
