I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
