He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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