Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
