i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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