I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
how does that bad decision feel?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize