I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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