I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize