party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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