The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
