real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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