I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
