woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
