i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
