I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't deserve a penis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
