Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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