i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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