we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am one with the molecules
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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