I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize