I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
