I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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