just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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