and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
