In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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