Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
