dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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