Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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