As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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