I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
