Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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