I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize