you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
