I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize