I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
