i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize