oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
