Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
