all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
