you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I want is dick and wine.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
that may or may not have been my penis.
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