I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
