He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
