I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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