remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
