i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
