i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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