Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
