this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
