while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
