the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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