sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
