I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
