You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I did not marry a roomba.
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