I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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