dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need moral support for this bender
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize