They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
