You're a womanizer and a bitch.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
