all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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