Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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