the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize