The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
