If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize