Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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