I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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