That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
