Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
