Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
