the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
