dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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