You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
