On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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