I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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