Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
