so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
