She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
