I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
