I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
