Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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