I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
