Can i not drive my cunt home
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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