Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
