So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
