i don't like sucking hair
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
