His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
