We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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