I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
