is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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