Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
