either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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