recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
