Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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