and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
