You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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